Therianthropy

I consider myself Therian. Perhaps it’s an odd way to cope with autism (if it’s actually coping). Even as everyone around me locally would likely think that I’m crazy (I’ve occasionally described to my mom how nice it would be to be a wolf, and she’s just responded “you are human”), and I only found out the concept of the thing a few years ago. It’s still something that clings onto me closely.

Maybe it’s just growing up lonely that drives one crazy, or maybe it’s the fact that the Autism spectrum puts you through a lot of challenges. But I just don’t feel like I fit in with a lot of others. I don’t think I have since I was in early elementary school.

Sometimes, especially during extreme bouts of emotion (good and bad), I begin to feel a bit like I have a tail. It doesn’t really wag or anything, but I can feel it at the back. Of course, I look at myself and I know that I’m human, but deep down, it would be truly nice to be something not human that better represents me. More body language, better abilities, but I’m not sure that’s what the whole concept of Therianthropy is about.

I look at myself in the mirror, and I feel like I’m simply contained within a vessel of some sort to my actual soul. There’s just a sort of feeling of disconnection between myself and my body during most moments. And there’s just this feeling inside of “is this me? Or is that me?”. Maybe it’s an identity crisis forming, maybe it’s a more pragmatic side, maybe it’s something more.

Is all of this something I’ve hypnotized myself into thinking? Is it truly a part of me? Is it just a phase? Am I just replacing the word “hand” with “paw” ironically? Is this just some kind of metaphor to me? All those questions are something I don’t think I’ll have the answer to…